


Sometimes It Hurts so Bad, It Feels so Bad

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 17:25:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2436860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“This is a blatant disregard for Rule #1.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes It Hurts so Bad, It Feels so Bad

**Author's Note:**

> While I am still working out how I feel about this episode as a whole, BeBe and CeCe Winans _It’s OK_ played on my media player at work and Emily had no problem expressing how she felt. The title and all of the feelings are because of the song. Spoilers for Nameless, Faceless.

“You need to go home and get some rest.” Hotch said. His tone was drowsy; he didn’t even open his eyes. He knew she was there, he could feel her. He could smell the powdery sweetness of Vera Wang Sheer Veil.

 

“That’s one of the silliest things you’ve ever said.”

 

The nurses had brought Emily a more comfortable chair. It still wasn’t quite comfortable but at least she was able to curl up in it and watch him sleep.

 

“Em, you're working on four hours of sleep, tops. You need to go home and sleep.”

 

“You need to rest.” She countered. “Please be quiet and do that, Hotch. I can ask them to come in here and put you to sleep.”

 

“Emily…”

 

“We are not going to argue. I win, you lose; now rest.”

 

A small smile crossed his features but it was gone in a matter of moments. There was nothing to smile about. He was alive, sure, but now separated from his son for God knows how long. Adding to that, he was once again on Haley’s shit list…as if he needed that. His ex-wife barely took a breath asking if he was alright before she went into how this was going to affect her life. He couldn’t do anything about that. Didn’t she know he would rather die, be carved into little pieces, than ever have Jack be in danger?

 

“You…”

 

“Hmm?” Emily moved her chair closer to the bed. Hotch reached out his hand; she took it and held it to her lips.

 

“You could have been with me. You could’ve been with me and he would have cut you to pieces.” Hotch whispered.

 

“He didn’t.”

 

“What if he just wants me to think this is about Haley and Jack? What if the target is you?”

 

“I can handle whatever I need to handle. That bastard can come after me if he wants…he’ll lose.”

 

“Do you know how many places you can stab a human being without killing them?” Hotch asked.

 

“I want you to rest, Aaron. You're going to be here for a while and this kind of speculation and doubt can't be good for your recovery. I saw you flat line…I was petrified.”

 

She knew he would do this. He was going to beat himself up as much as possible. He would internalize Haley’s hatred and anger. He would convince himself and then talk himself out of Jack being better off without him. He would definitely push her away, telling her it was to keep her safe when he was really afraid his love was toxic. 

 

Hotch was afraid he was toxic. Everyone who loved him paid a hefty price. Emily didn’t have the time or energy to think about that right now. The fumes she had been running on all day were damn near gone. He needed to rest because if he didn’t, she wouldn’t.

 

“This is a blatant disregard for Rule #1, Prentiss, and it’s upsetting.” Hotch murmured. He was fading again.

 

“Aaron, please,” Emily finally got up from the chair. She moved her face close to his and caressed his cheeks with her hands. “None of this was your fault and nothing you say will convince me otherwise. Snap out of this…do not let him beat you. We’re going to win and we’re going to get Jack back. This team has your back every step of the way, and I will be at your side because I love you. Fuck Rule #1 right now.”

 

“If he were to ever hurt you…”

 

“Then one of my teammates would kill him.” Emily replied, kissing him softly. “Go to sleep.”

 

“I can't lose you, Emily.”

 

“I'm right here.”

 

“I love you.” He said.

 

“Remember you said that when you get crazy and try to push me away. I love you too and we’re stronger than this; you're stronger than this. I promise.”

 

She kissed him again. Hotch mumbled something incoherent before the darkness took him under completely. Emily took a deep breath, dropping one last kiss on his forehead. Sinking into the near comfort of the chair, she knew that Rossi or Morgan would come to check on her eventually. She’d already seen Reid; wanted to make sure he was alright with her own eyes. 

 

Now Emily wondered how long she could sit in this chair before someone dragged her away. She knew she was breaking Rule #1 and though this was a very special circumstance that excuse wasn’t going to last for long. She knew Hotch though; he was feeling isolated and alone. The only way for her to help him feel anything different was to stay. Every time the nightmares forced his eyes open he needed to see her face. 

 

Emily needed a drink, a smoke, and surely a shower but didn’t plan on moving. She needed to be there as much as Hotch needed her. She could have lost him tonight; the ache was palpable. She watched him say goodbye to his son and have another confrontation with his ex. She watched his heart stop…something she didn’t think she would ever forget. And though she told him not to think about it, Emily couldn’t help but think what would have happened if she had walked through that door with him and into Foyet’s grip. 

 

That bullet hole in his wall was huge. She shivered thinking of it going into her body. No, she didn’t need to go down that road. It would do no good for anyone. Comforted by the weight of his hand in hers, Emily focused on what would happen next. What was done was done…it was time for the BAU to start calling the shots.

 

***

                                                                                                                                                                      

  
 


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